4. Use some mini-sentences. Sentences shouldgenerally be 20 words or less. However,occasionally using sentences of six words or lessslows down the reader and emphasizes ideas.Example: I can get more information if eachof you gives me less. Here’s why.In a week, about 110 staff actionsshow up in my in-box. I couldhandle that in a week if all I didwas work the in-box. Yet 70percent of my time in the head-quarters goes not to the in-box butto briefings. I could handle thatdilemma,too—by listening tobriefings and thinking about staffpapers at the same time.Make your writing as formal or informal asthe situation requires, but do so with language youmight use in speaking. The most readable writing“sounds” like people talking to people.To make your writing more like speaking, be-gin by imagining your reader is sitting across fromyou. Write with personal pronouns, every-day words, and short sentences. Don’t go out ofyour way to use personal pronouns, but don’tavoid them. Speak of your activity, command,or office as we, us, and our. When you are writingto many addresses, speak directly to one reader;only one person reads your writing at any onetime.Example: All addressees are requested toprovide inputs of desired coursecontent.Better:Please send us your recommenda-tions for course content.When you write directives, look foropportunities to talk directly to a user.Procedures, checklists, or other how-toinstructions lend themselves to this cookbookapproach. Imagine someone has walked up to youand asked what to do. The following example isfrom a notice that repeated the duty officer dozensof times:Example:Better:The duty officer will verify thatsecurity responsibilities have beencompleted by putting his/herinitials in the checklist.When you complete the inspection,initial the checklist.Sentences that give directions lead with verbs;you is simply implied. This direct approachrequires imagination more than technical skill.Think of writing not as words on a page but asspeaking from a distance.Multiplied across an entire letter, roundaboutsentences like those in the next examples do severedamage. We would be laughed out of the roomif we talked that way. Ordinary English isshorter, clearer, and just as official:Example: It is necessary that the material bereceived in this office by 10 June.Better:We need the material by 10 June.(or) The material must reach us by10 June.It is and this command complicate the nextexample. They force readers to put back thepronouns the writer took out. To make mattersworse, the first it is refers to the reader while thesecond refers to the sender.Example:Better:If it is desired that Marines beallowed to compete for positionson the pistol team, this commandwould be happy to establish andmanage team tryouts. It is recom-mended that tryouts be conductedsoon to ensure . . . .If you allow Marines to competefor- positions on the pistol team, wewould be happy to establish andmanage the tryouts. We recom-mend that tryouts start soon toensure . . . .Can you overdo personal pronouns? Yes youcan. You can use so many pronouns that youobscure the subject, and no number of them willovercome confused thinking. Besides, somesubjects don’t lend themselves to pronouns. Thedescription of a ship’s structure, for example, isn’tlikely to include people. Also, criticism hurtsfewer feelings if delivered impersonally. "Nothinghas been done" avoids the direct attack of "Youhave done nothing."If we or I opens more than two sentences ina row, the writing becomes monotonous and maysuggest self-centeredness. Sometimes a singlesentence can call too much attention to the sender:‘‘I would like to extend my congratulations fora job well done.” Praise should stress the reader:"Congratulations on the fine job you did."2-48
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